I think this past week has been one of the toughest in my life. While it hasn't been all bad--and in fact has had some remarkably good highs--there have been many, many rough patches. I've considered myself a religious person most of my life but I've had my fair share of doubts. Although these doubts have crept in during fair weather, they are by no means delusions of self-sufficiency--the truth of my own inadequacies has been well enough ingrained to prevent such an obviously untenable conviction. Doubt, nebulously defined only by an absence of belief, has manifested in other absences as well: most notably the absence of the ability to trust and the resultant ill-placed reliance on my own logic for clarity. I have come, however, to realize that certain things don't make sense--nor are they supposed to. And it has taken crisis to reveal this.

I have known much of my life that adversity drives me back to God. Fear of the unknown and distaste for what I do know propel me towards the one concept that by definition is supposed to bring peace. I cling with all the might my heart can muster to the ideal that peace exists and eventually I reach a point where things seem well. However, this time it has been different. I haven't blindly adhered to some mere abstraction; this time I have seen true peace in action. I have been so incredibly inspired by a friend of mine that I've been forced to re-examine life and what it means to live, specifically to be able to live for God. Being presented such an absolute example of trust is truly... breathtaking. So when things don't make sense, I have to learn that it can still be ok. I know I still don't have all the answers and I'm sure, as always, I begin my slow descent towards the next battle with doubt. But hopefully my friend's example will nestle the ability to trust a little deeper within me and let the attendant peace settle my soul.